literature

The Messenger

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Literature Text

       Great hills billowed out from the central kingdom that lay at the heart of the three-petaled “lotus.” Here merchants from each of the three continents might exchange goods and information; be equal men despite their races, and, in a way, join up the three continents into a single tri-pointed shape. Here, David was visible on the nearest rise, kicking his horse lightly to urge it on.

An eerie mask was strapped across David’s face and buckled tightly behind his hair. A constant expression of confusion was cast into the metal form, waiting for some explanation. The messenger never spoke, but simply knew who he wanted as if the recipient’s name was engraved in the air above their head. He strode through dense crowds on a skeletal horse and selected an Eastern merchant who was engaged in a conversation with a Southern. An almost detached arm dropped from the reins and hung before the merchant, cradling a cartouche. The Eastern took it.

David’s horse turned and walked weakly back to the city gate, aware the message had been delivered. A swift tug on the reins halted the best and David stared out into the crowed again.

A girl no older than eight leaned in the rounded doorway of her house, dressed in a sapphire wrap tinged with the city’s orange dust. She looked longingly in the direction of the theatre, biting into a ripe fruit bluer than her clothes. She did not seem to mind as the dark juice left stains down her chin. David watched her through the cutouts in his mask and changed the horse’s direction with a tug of the reins, urging it her way. Although she did not break her gaze from the theatre house as he approached her, the girl gasped to see a silver face towering above her, metallic brows knitted permanently in confusion. David stared at her silently from his horse’s back, his mask reflecting a blurry imitation of her olive face. People flooded past the two, but they stood still against the current like stones in a river, eyes locked together. Neither moved nor spoke. A fox and a rabbit, each waiting for the other to run. David’s horse huffed, dripping sick saliva.

The girl dropped her fruit and held out a hand sicky with juice for David’s. He grasped her wrist instead. The girl pointed in the direction of the theatre house and began pulling him, but the horse resisted, snapping its teeth at the air in front of her. She looked about to cry. An older woman, face wrinkled like dried fruit rushed out to the girl and immediately drew her inside, her orange wrap fluttering behind the girl’s blue one. David stared at the engraved door, his horse huffing, and knocked once on the wood. When no answer came, he groped weakly for the knob and the door opened for him as if the lock that held it shut had dissolved. The older woman screamed to see him in the open doorway. David’s horse stumbled in on bony ankles, huffing at the floor.

With another scream from her protector, the girl was again drawn back, up the stairs to distance themselves from the emaciated beast and its mute rider. David stood at the base of the stairs, his steed calculating quietly as it watched the steps. The older woman and the horse breathed heavily, and the former’s shaky hooves began to ascend the stairs. A cry escaped the older woman’s throat and she stumbled back against the wall, holding the girl away from the creature. With each step the horse climbed, the woman let out a small scream of desperation and shrunk against the wall.

Two hooves scraped at the top of the stairs and hoisted the rest of its body to the upper level. The old woman screamed as David circled them on his horse. His confused expression asked a silent question and the horse huffed a steady beat, muscles trembling. An unmistakable heat was coming off of the horse and sweat gave its skin a wet sheen. Both women could feel it shake and smell the hot steam wafting from it. David reached down, a tablet clutched in his fingers. Trembling, the old woman backed toward the stairs, still holding the girl, as if the tablet would burn to touch. The horse stepped toward them, forcing them back several steps. David stared with his fabricated expression, still holding the tablet out to take.

Crying out, the old woman snatched her away when the girl reached out for it and stumbled backwards. David stood, always confused, and watched as they fell down the stairs.
Sci-fantasy story I wrote a month or two ago in response to a prompt where an occupation, emotion, and ending sentence were mixed together. Mine was "mailman/woman," "confused," and "They fell down the stairs." This is what I came up with.

Critique encouraged!
Questions for critique:
:bulletgreen: Do you like the little girl as a character? Is there a way she could be improved?
:bulletgreen: Are the senses too vivid? Not vivid enough?
:bulletgreen: What did you think of the lack of dialogue?
:bulletgreen: Do you think the way I worked in the final sentence is fitting?
:bulletgreen: Do I provide enough information for you to understand what's going on?
:bulletgreen: Anything else I should know?
Thank you!
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Comments8
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Contradictory55's avatar
Oh wow. He's just trying to deliver a message, but the older woman is too terrified by his appearance to understand the innocence of all his gestures.